


Spot Of Bother - for Ineffable Con 2 SFW zine

by GayDemonicDisaster (scrapheapchallenge)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Is Trying (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Whipped (Good Omens), Crowley is a Little Shit (Good Omens), Gen, Gender non compliant Crowley, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Nonbinary Crowley (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), agender Crowley (Good Omens), gender non conforming Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapheapchallenge/pseuds/GayDemonicDisaster
Summary: Crowley gets pulled over for speeding, (we’re in the UK so it’s rather more polite than American ones - author draws on personal experience I’m afraid). Crowley has been trying to be good for Aziraphale, but there’s only so far a demon can go before mischief ensues, besides, they have a show to get to...My piece for the SFW version of the zine for Ineffable Con 2, which we are now allowed to publish elsewhere.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 87
Collections: The Ineffable Con 2





	Spot Of Bother - for Ineffable Con 2 SFW zine

“I’m not doing it.”

“Crowley. Yes. You are.”

“Not.”

Aziraphale _looked_ at them. 

_“Fine,”_ Crowley sighed, rolling their eyes theatrically. Crowley changed down and pulled the Bentley over on the hard shoulder. Aziraphale shot them another warning look, before schooling his features carefully into the epitome of British politeness as the police officer approached the window. Staying on the verge side to keep out of traffic, she knocked on the passenger side window and leaned down. Aziraphale opened the window with a winning smile. 

“Good afternoon, gentlemen,” She pinned Crowley with a sharp look. “Is this your car sir?”  
  
Crowley grimaced, but nodded. 

“Would you mind turning the vehicle off and joining me in my vehicle for a few minutes please, sir?”

“Mx.”

“Pardon?”

“Mx,” Crowley repeated, with a grumpy twitch of a lip curl.

“Terribly sorry, please, turn the engine off, then come and join me in my squad car, need to have a little chat with you.”

Crowley sighed and turned the ignition off, then got out, stretched and sauntered back to a battenburg liveried vauxhall vectra with blue flashing lights. The police officer indicated they should take a seat in the back, and re-took her seat in the front. She removed her notebook and consulted some information on a screen mounted to the dash, which had the Bentley’s registration and information showing.

“Right, may I take your name please?”

“Crowley.”  
  
“Any other names?”

“They’re on your screen. I can see them from here.”

“Just a formality Mx Crowley, do you have any ID on you at the moment?”

Crowley sniffed thoughtfully, then, as if remembering something they’d temporarily forgotten, snapped their fingers, fished in a pocket, and withdrew a wallet, from which they withdrew a driving licence, handing it over. 

“Thanks. I’m officer Khan, my shoulder number is 5782 as you can see there if you want it. What name would you prefer I call you by?”

“Crowley.”  
  
“What gender would you like me to put down on my paperwork regarding today’s incident, Crowley?”

Crowley appeared to mull it over. Khan waited, before prompting a little. 

“Transgender? Non binary? Genderfluid? Gender non conforming?”

Crowley snorted in derision. 

“More like gender non compliant.”

Khan closed her mouth, tightened her jaw, and made a note in her book before continuing. 

“And do you know why I pulled you over today, Crowley?”

“Gender disobedience? Arrested for contempt of gender?” Crowley sniped

“No. And you’re not under arrest.” Khan resisted the urge to roll her own eyes. “Do you know how fast you were driving?”

Crowley shrugged. Khan eyed them in the rear view mirror, then tapped a button on another screen on the dashboard. “Here we have my in-vehicle recording from the point I started following you on the motorway this afternoon. You will see my own speed indicated in the bottom right corner. From the point you overtook me, and accelerated away, and how fast I had to go in an attempt to catch up. Can you see what it says there?”

“One hundred and forty miles per hour.” Crowley stated, flatly. 

“Precisely.”

“Not that fast. Could have gone faster. I was being nice for Aziraphale.” Crowley shrugged again. 

“Do you know what the speed limit is on a motorway in the UK?”

Crowley shrugged. “Seventy five? Eighty?”

“Seventy.” Khan informed them. “You were driving at _twice_ the legal speed limit.”

“Impressed you could catch up.” Crowley commented. 

“This is a VXR edition, but that’s beside the point. You do realise that this is an automatic ban, don’t you? Not just a few points, not a speed awareness course, a complete ban on driving.”

Crowley grinned.

“Nah.”

Khan wasn’t sure how to reply to that. “I am serious Mx Crowley, no court in the land is going to let you out of this one.”

Crowley smirked and snapped their fingers. Khan went blank. The demon turned their attention to the screen on the dashboard, and reached between the front seats to tap it. A little zap of electricity caused it to glitch, then cease to function completely. The same trick was pulled on the other electronics in the car, and then the little notebook was lifted gently from Khan’s unresisting fingers, a few pages were removed, then it was placed back in her hands again. They grabbed the driving license from her fingers, then Crowley thought for a moment.

“I was doing seventy four. Your systems didn’t seem to be working properly, but you pulled me over for a friendly chat and a warning. I was very apologetic, and incredibly handsome. You thought my car was very nice. We chatted about classic cars for a bit, you wished me a safe journey and told me I was free to go.” 

Crowley paused, then added. “And for the record, I’m a demon. We don’t have any gender, unless we want to. At the moment I have no particular reason to. Try to keep an open mind.” Crowley snapped their fingers. 

Khan blinked, momentarily having lost her train of thought. She rallied. “Anyway, I hope you’ll take what I said on board, Crowley, and do keep a closer eye on your speedo from now on, won’t you?”

Crowley gave her a wide smile, nodded, and exited the vehicle. Khan looked confused. Crowley paused and opened the front passenger door to talk to her again, snapping their fingers. “You came to open the back door to let me out because of the child locks, I didn’t just open it myself.” Crowley gave another snap and sauntered back to the Bentley again. 

Aziraphale raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“Well?”

“Well what? Now I’m going to have to drive twice as fast to make up for lost time. I wouldn’t have stopped if it wasn’t for you in the car. I’d have just turned her engine into a giant nest of rats or something so she’d stop following me.”

“Crowley, you can’t do that every time you’re mildly inconvenienced.”

“Can and will. D’you want to get to this concert or not?”

“Drive nicely, dear. I’ll ensure the performance doesn’t begin until we arrive.”

“Oh, so it’s not ok for me to get my foot down, but it’s perfectly fine for you to cause a burst pipe in the theatre or something to delay curtain up?”

“Crowley, you are being _quite_ impossible today.”

Crowley grinned and winked at the angel. “Well we might have left on time if you hadn’t done that thing back in the hotel room where you…”

 _“Crowley!”_ Aziraphale snapped back, interrupting them with a sharp look.

“You can’t get all embarrassed when it’s just the two of us, Angel. _You’re_ the bad example around here y’know. Especially after those shenanigans with the champagne and everything…”

Aziraphale sighed, closed his eyes in resignation, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What in heaven’s name did I do to deserve this?”

Crowley cackled. “Flirted with me for 6,000 years then kissed me.”

“How could I forget? Just… drive the car.” He tried not to let his smile break through despite himself. 

Crowley still noticed though, and grinned back. 


End file.
